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Why?

I have not blogged in awhile.

This is disheartening for me, but I need to rehearten myself so that I can get moving again. This period has felt like a bad-weather stretch of already depressing weather. Metaphorically speaking. Although the actual weather around here hasn’t been what I would consider inspirational, either. Lots of rain. Lots of gray and cold. Spring is still springing, however, with green popping up everywhere and promising delightful colors and patterns and textures.

I’ve been able to do a little bit of yard and garden design here and there when the sun reveals itself and I have time to go outside. I wish I could spend hours and hours outside, weeding, planting, and doing the many little things that make for a beautiful yard. But I’ll take the few minutes I get here and there, the hour or so I can squeeze out on the weekends or evenings.

As far as my writing is concerned, I’m not sure what will kick me back into regular blog and story production. An inspirational video has gone around the internet in which the speaker says if we know our “why”, the “how” becomes much more clear.

So why do I want to write regularly? Some ideas that come to mind but which may or may not be completely applicable are:

  • I want to develop writing skills. Again, though: why? Because I want to express myself? Because Baha’u’llah says we need to have some sort of craft and profession, and that seems to be one of the few potentially money-earning skills I have left in my arsenal?
  • I like having habits that help me to improve somehow, or at least not to slip downward. Writing encourages me to be conscious of my motivations and the motivations of others.
  • I need escape from a somewhat monotonous reality that doesn’t seem to lead to much forward-moving positive change.

I don’t know if those why’s helped. They don’t seem very motivating. I’d like to have a more tangible goal, such as getting a book published (novel? short stories? poems?),  getting an mfa in creative writing, becoming a teacher. But I don’t feel attached to any of those goals, especially given their seeming unlikelihood.

So i guess I need to think about that why question. Why have the goal of daily blogging and weekly story writing? Is it just for the sake of having some kind of goal?

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